A Broken Queen
by Thompster
Summary: One night Regina decides to go to her vault to try to find something that could help her defeat her evil half, and stumbles upon the Evil Queen herself, crying. What happens when they finally have a heart-to-heart chat after weeks of war? Set after episode 6x13, except that the Evil Queen was never turned into a snake. Rated M for self-harm. One shot.


**So this is one of the first OS that I've ever written, and it's actually the first one that i decided to post. This is my version of how the Spliqueen arc could have ended (I actually wrote it before the episode).**

 **Thanks to my favorite beta Melly for proofreading this!**

 **Trigger warning for self-harm.**

* * *

It was early evening, the sky was getting dark and yet again, the Evil Queen was all alone.

At first, when Regina had separated herself from her, she had felt free. She had enough of being trapped inside of Regina, enough of not being able to express her emotions, all the resents she had towards her nemesis. Those nemesis that Regina had managed to forgive but that she could not, she could never.

She did try, oh how she tried to reason Regina, to tell her how unfair everything that was happening to them was, how she could not just sit there and do nothing, how she needed to make them pay. But unfortunately for the Evil Queen, that only lead Regina to get rid of her.

And now, sitting all alone in Regina's dark and cold vault, she was thinking. Thinking about how lonely she felt, and how unfair Regina had been towards _her_ , towards _herself._

When Regina and her were still whole, she did feel trapped. She did feel angry and miserable inside of her, not being able to do anything anymore, but at least, she was not alone. At least she had a family, she had _Regina_ , Henry, Emma, and even the Charmings. She had friends that she could count on, and she felt _loved_.

The Evil Queen chuckled bitterly to herself, how pathetic must she look right now, sitting by herself in Regina's vault, just because this was the place where she felt the closest to her now.

She sighed and started to think that yes, she did miss Regina dearly, even after what she did. She felt lonely, abandoned, and most of all _hurt._ Hurt that she still wasn't enough to anyone, even to _herself._ Hurt that she had been tossed aside by her _better_ half, even though she was just trying to help her. She just wanted to help.

She tried to hate Regina for what she did, for how she just threw her away. However, she just couldn't. She just couldn't hate a part of herself. Regina though… She could, and she proved it. She went as far as to try to kill her. She crushed her heart, looking at her right in the eyes. The same eyes she was looking at every morning in the mirror, her _own_ eyes. That night, she tried to kill a part of herself, and she thought she had.

At that moment, the Evil Queen just wanted to make her suffer, to make her and everyone else pay. At first she thought that it was bringing her happiness. But then, she had been pushed away by everyone, even those who were supposed to be on her side. She started to fail everything, every plan, every plots, everything.

A tear fell from one of her eyes as she realized that she had even failed the most important person in her life, Henry. He had looked so disappointed and so ashamed by her. She knew that he just wanted her gone, and right now, she wished she could do just that, be gone.

She was tired, tired of being sad and alone, of feeling unwanted and unloved. In front of everyone, she was acting as if she didn't care, as if she couldn't feel anything, as if the cold stares and death threats were not getting to her, but they did, and even without her heart, she did feel, a lot. Regina was once told that she felt with her whole being, her whole soul, and unfortunately for the Evil Queen, that was also true for her. She had almost been caught that night when she was visiting Robin's grave. She thought no one would be there, as it was dark and cold, but then Regina and her whole team had shown up.

She had spoken to Regina softly at first, assuring her that she wasn't there to disrespect Robin in anyway. When a few minutes later Emma had hit her with her sword and made her bleed, she knew there was no hope left for her, so she just choose to disappear before Emma could give her her final blow.

…

Regina was sitting on her sofa, alone in her big mansion. She had just come home from the Charmings and Henry was staying at Emma's house tonight, so she had the night to herself, again.

She couldn't blame him for staying a bit more with Emma these days, her mood was a bit down lately so she wasn't much fun to stay with. He had insisted that he wanted to stay and try to lighten her mood a little, but she had told him that it wasn't his job to do that and that he would be less bored with Emma for a couple or days.

She didn't know what to do with herself right now, so she got up and decided to go her vault to try to find something to get rid of her other half.

But does she really want her gone? She had been selfish when she had made that fatal decision. She had thought that the Evil Queen was the cause of all her misery, that she had lost Robin because of her, because she was cursed. But the truth is, things were not different now that she had separated herself from her. She was still miserable. She had hope when she brought this Robin of Lockley from the Wish World, hope that he could have a part of her Robin in him. But when they had kissed, nothing had happened.

This is when she got it. Even without the Queen, Regina was still not happy. She had made a terrible mistake because at least when she was inside of her, she had full control, but now? Now the Evil Queen was out to play, and she was playing dirty.

As she was walking to her vault, she found herself thinking about how the Queen could feel right now. She remembered all those nights as the Evil Queen when she would just cry herself to sleep because she was just lonely, hated and miserable. How could she feel at that moment? She was truly on her own, and she had no one, not even herself.

She started to feel sorry for her other half, damn it this was _herself,_ she should have known about those masks and walls she's putting up in front of everyone. She should have known why she was doing so many bad things, why she was trying to make everyone miserable. She was just lonely, and hurt, and she needed to do this to protect herself, because if she let anyone in, it would have just meant the end of her.

…

Tears were now running free on the Queen's cheeks, her head was tilted down on her hands, her elbows resting on her lap, she was just tired, so tired of everything.

When Regina entered inside of her vault, the first thing she noticed was that she wasn't alone. She could hear someone in the room down the hallway… was there someone crying? she walked quickly to the sound of the sobs and finally came in sight with the woman sobbing on her chair. Herself.

When she heard someone coming inside of the room, the Queen snapped her head up, just to see that it was the least person she was expecting to see right now, Regina. She froze for a moment. She thought about poofing herself away, but she didn't have anywhere else to go, and she wouldn't give Regina that satisfaction.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Regina asked breaking the heavy silence that had settled between them ever since she came into the room.

"I could ask you the exact same thing!" the Queen answered whipping her tears away quickly.

"Don't try to play smart with me right now, this is my vault and you have no right to be there so I am asking you one more time, what. are. you. doing. here." Regina said through gritted teeth, stressing every words.

The Queen was suddenly angry, how dared she speak to her like this?

"Why I came here to do what I do best my dear Regina, I came here to steal a bit of ingredients to help make your life a living hell." She answered with a forced bitter smile. However Regina saw right through it.

"… No, that's not why you're here."

"And what would you know about that?!" the Queen answered darkly

Regina really looked a the Queen, and what she could see… Unsettled her. The Queen had red puffy eyes from crying, she wasn't wearing one of her expensive and extravagant dresses that she knew so well, but a simple dark blue dress, showing her soft curves. Her hair were pinned down and she looked… Well she looked like a beautiful mess.

"You were crying, I can see it and I could hear it, and honestly, you kinda look like a mess right now. …What happened to you?" Regina asked and the Queen swore that she could hear a bit of concern in her voice.

"What… what happened to me?" the Queen started to laugh bitterly "You're seriously asking what happened to me?! I've been been abandoned, tossed aside, thrown away like some piece of trash, here's what happened to me!" She said to Regina as she got up angrily to go to eye level with her.

Regina took a step away as she didn't want to start a fight with the Queen, she was obviously highly sensitive emotionally speaking at the moment, and a sad and angry Queen was the least thing she needed right now.

"That doesn't explain why you're here, of all places, why here?!"

"Because I'm lonely!" The Queen shouted before adding after a beat "This place right here is _our_ place and I feel a little less lonely when I'm here, and I have nowhere else to go! Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Regina nodded, finally understanding "Zelena threw you out."

"Why of course she did. I did try to kill her after all, and everyone leaves anyway, it's not as if i had a big family waiting for me with big open arms for me to cry into." The Queen said looking up at Regina. "No one is here to tell me that everything's gonna be okay, no one is here to offer me somewhere to stay, somewhere to sleep, a nice meal, some love… anything! Not even my own self! So if you're asking why I'm here Regina, here is your answer." she added, tears running down her cheeks again.

Regina was completely taken aback by the Queen's confession, she didn't know what to answer, because she was right. Her eyes started to water as she thought about something to answer.

"I…"

"You what, Regina?! You threw me away! If even my own self cannot stand me, if I'm not even enough for _myself_ than who will I be enough for? who?!" The Queen cried.

"I just wanted to help you, I just wanted to protect you from succumbing to your sadness and your grief! And you abandoned me, when _I_ needed _you_ the most. You were not the only one grieving, I was trying to protect you, but what you didn't realize was that you were protecting me too, in your own way you prevented me from succumbing to the darkness."

She looked down and then added "I tried to understand why you would leave me, I did. You blamed me for all of your problems and now because of this I'm just lonely and miserable. I miss having a family, I miss feeling loved… I miss you-" the Queen's sentence got cut by a sob and she just bursted in tears.

Regina couldn't take it anymore, what had she done? She was crying too now, fully knowing what the Queen was talking about, remembering how she felt back in the enchanted forest, when she had no one to love her, well except for her dear father of course.

 ** _The enchanted forest, 2 years before the Dark Curse_**

 _The Queen slammed the doors of her castle and started to pace back and forth angrily in the main room. She had just come back from a village, looking endlessly for Snow White. Once again, those peasants were not eager to help her, and even worst, they kept insulting her._

 _"Go to hell!" "Burn the witch!" "No one loves you, you're a terrible Queen!" and then, one peasant had made the fatal mistake of saying "I just wish the King was still there to show you exactly what your duty as queen is, you slut! I bet you sucked him good to be in that place didn't you?! I bet your begged him to take you as his queen so he could take you whenever and wherever he wanted, just like the whore you are!" he had said, laughing with his friends. And that was it, he had crossed the line and the Queen was shaking with anger. She lifted her hand and the man was suddenly being thrown against a tree, before being burned alive against that tree, which started a fire in the whole small village._

 _She had never visited that village, and perhaps it's inhabitants were thinking that everything they had heard about the terrible Evil Queen were just legends, but they were wrong._

 _She was watching them scream and for some of them burn, and she was enjoying it. That is, until she saw that little girl with her beautiful dark-blonde curls. She couldn't be older than 3 years old, and she was crying, hugging a little burnt teddy bear._

 _And then the Queen saw another child crying in front of his house, looking for his parents, and she couldn't take it anymore. She pooffed them to safety, along with the other children of the village, and then her eyes fell on that little girl again. She was sobbing, tears falling from her baby cheeks and looking sadly at her poor little teddy bear that had been burnt. The Queen's heart sank for that little girl and with a wave of her hand, she restored the teddy bear to its former shape. The girl's eyes lit up and she hugged the stuffed animal so hard that Regina thought she might just destroy it. Regina smiled softly at the sight, but then the girl looked up at the Queen with her big bright blue eyes. She could see so much fear in those eyes, and it broke Regina's heart, so she just disappeared before she could burst in tears herself._

 _She kept pacing back and forth, until the anger was just too much to bear and she sent a vase flying against the wall_

 _"Regina darling…" Her father started softly, but Regina dismissed him the second he had finished his sentence._

 _"Not now father!" and then she disappeared, only to reappear in her room, where she started to throw and break everything she could find against the wall, until she fell to her knees and started to sob. She didn't care about the cuts that the broken pieces of glass were leaving on her knees and legs, she couldn't even feel the pain at that moment._

 _Her eyes fell on the ring on her finger, Daniel's ring. She took it off and when she looked at it, Daniel's smiling face appeared in the middle._

 _"Oh Daniel… If only you knew what I've become… You wouldn't smile at me like this. I'm a monster, and I've killed thousands of people because of my grief… Oh Daniel I don't deserve to live, knowing that you died only for me to become that monster. I should have died instead of you Daniel, I'm so sorry." She said as she placed the ring close to her heart and started to cry again._

 _Her eyes then settled on something else on the floor, a broken piece of her mirror. She picked it up and looked at her reflection on it, and what she saw disgusted her. The only thing she could see was a monster, underserving of love and happiness._

 _She became angry with herself and lifted her hand, holding the piece of glass, ready to thrown it against the wall, but then she stopped. Her tears had stopped along with her hand, and she looked again at the sharp piece of glass. She lowered it again, and placed it against her wrist. Some drops of blood started to fall from her wrist as she pushed the piece of glass deeper, and it felt… Good. It felt good, that is, until the piece of glass disappeared from her hand, and the blood stopped leaving her wrist. She got confused for a second until she was started by Rumplestiltskin's high laugh._

 _"Oh no no no, not yet dearie… You have a curse to cast and until then, I need you very much alive" He said with a smile._

 _"How dare you, you have no right!" The Queen answered, shouting._

 _"Oh but you see, unfortunately for you, I do. I taught you everything you know about magic, and promised you Snow White in exchange of a … little favor." He said laughing._

 _"Until that little favor is fulfilled, you are to stay alive dearie… You'll be free to do whatever you want after you cast the curse." He added smiling darkly, before he disappeared, leaving a broken and confused Queen behind._

 _…_

Regina couldn't leave the Queen crying like this, she knew how hard it must have been for her to be so _weak_ in front of her and she couldn't take it anymore. Regina closed the distance between the Queen and her and took her in her arms.

"I'm- I'm so sorry…" Regina said sobbing in her arms. "I never should have done that, I- what did I do? I am so sorry, I thought… I thought _you_ were the cause of my problems but you were not, it was me, my whole self." She added rubbing her back.

The Queen however did not hug her back just yet, she still wasn't fully sure that she wanted to forgive Regina for what she'd done.

Feeling the Queen's doubt, Regina let her step away from the hug and looked at her right in the eyes.

"Listen I… I know that what I did was awful. I tried to get rid of you, I tried to _kill_ you and I could never apologize enough for this. For once, I am glad that I failed. I don't know if you will find the strength to forgive me, but I just want you to know that I forgive _you._ I forgive you for all the darkness that you've filled our heart with, and I am so sorry that I didn't even see that you were just trying to protect me, I just wish that you will forgive me." She said with a sad smile, looking up at her and wiping a tear from her left cheek.

The Queen considered it for a few seconds, and then she tried to give Regina an angry look, to tell her to go to hell but she was just so tired of fighting, so she sighed and finally said "I missed you." and then went in Regina's arms herself this time.

"Can you really forgive me? for what I did to your family as well?" The Queen asked

"Well, I can forgive you for what you did to _me_ , however you'll have to ask to _our_ family yourself for forgiveness"

"Yes of course… Thank you Regina." The Queen said sincerely, hugging Regina a bit tighter.

Regina nodded in acknowledgment and sighed and said with a smile "There you go Queenie, you've got arms to cry into after all"

"… Shut up Gina, don't ruin the moment." The Queen answered, which made Regina chuckle. "And these are _my_ arms anyway, can't count on you to keep them in shape right?" The Queen asked smirking.

Regina chuckled once again and answered " Yeah well, I've had big bad villains to fight these past weeks, can you blame me?"

"I guess not…" the Queen said, rolling her eyes even though Regina couldn't see her.

Regina sighed and let herself relax in her other half's arms "We'll be okay, we will find a way…"

The Queen nodded and Regina added with a trembling voice, new tears forming in her eyes "I accept you, you know? For what your are, for what _we_ are. I should never have separated myself from you, it only led the both of us to more pain and misery… I just wish I could reverse it, I am so sorry…" she said the last words in a whisper, and the Queen answered with a whisper as well, through her own tears "Me to…"

As their tears made their way down their eyes, two of them found their way together through their touching cheeks, and what happened next left them voiceless. Suddenly a bright light appeared between them and blinded them, so much that they had to close their eyes. When the light finally disappeared, Regina opened her eyes and saw that the Queen was gone. Her arms were circled around her middle and she realized that she was hugging herself.

And then she felt it. The Queen wasn't gone. She was right there, inside of her, more at peace than ever.

Regina smiled to herself and finally said "I think we should get out of here and get to work. We have a curse to break and some apologies to make don't we?" She shook her head and chuckled to herself, before leaving the vault, heading to the Charming's loft.

* * *

 **So here it is! I hope you enjoyed, I know it's a bit different from the actual episode, but it does contain a couple of similarities. I was supposed to post this before the episode but it got delayed.**

 **Please don't hesitate to leave a review as this is the first fanfiction that I've ever published, I'd like to know what you think of it :)**


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